Insights from Amy Morin
Do you want to become mentally stronger? If so, there are some valuable insights from Amy Morin, a therapist and author, that you should know.
Morin has identified 13 tips that can help you break bad mental habits and become mentally strong. As Morin states, "Building mental strength is a process that takes time, effort, and dedication."
FYI: If you are a bit lazy, or want the quick answer, check out her TedTalk video here.
As you read, you’ll find I have sprinkled my own insights and experiences through this article.
1. Don't Waste Time Feeling Sorry For Yourself
"Feeling sorry for yourself is a form of self-pity. It's a way of reminding yourself how powerless you are over the situation, and it amplifies your negative emotions." - Amy Morin
Feeling sorry for yourself can be a waste of time and lead to negative emotions. To stop this bad habit, change your mindset by focusing on the good in life. It is crucial to stop this habit because it can lead to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Nath: This is a mental exercise that I still struggle with. I often have to do the conscious effort and work on the discipline to not fall back in these old demons 👹. One phrase I tell myself is: “I can only control what is in my power”.
And if it is not in my power? “Well, what is the point to worry about it”. This attitude comes from my godmother who is a hardcore Buddhist. She taught me to accept letting things go. This is something that I HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 22 YEARS! 👵
2. Don't Give Away Your Power
"When we blame others or circumstances for our problems, we give away our power to change our lives." - Amy Morin
Depending on others for your self-worth and regulating your emotions can lead to becoming a victim of your circumstances. To avoid this, forgive people who hurt you, think before you act, and take full responsibility for how you want to spend your time and energy. It is important to stop this habit because keeping this habit means allowing others to control your emotions and decisions.
Nath: You might have seen through your life, some people that do not have nice intentions. Not that they are mean, but might a bit calculated, opportunist, taking advantage, etc.
You don’t have time to waste with such people. Ultimately, you should be only responsible for your own actions and you should certainly NOT put your future, worth, values in hand of others.
As I said, you never know who has good or bad intentions, just don’t take the risks.
3. Don't Shy Away From Change
"Life is full of uncertainty, and change is one of the few things we can always count on. When we refuse to adapt to change or take risks, we miss out on opportunities for growth." - Amy Morin
Change can be scary, but it's necessary for progress. To embrace change, identify the pros and cons, develop awareness of your emotions, manage negative thoughts, and behave like the person you want to become. You can also create a plan to prepare for change and focus on the benefits of making a change. It is important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal growth and development.
Nath: Everything changes, expect “change” itself. As a kid I was living in Taiwan. One day, my parents took me to a photographer to take ID pictures for my passport. I was really not on board… My mom explained that it was to go back to France, and I burst in tears. I couldn’t understand “go back” when one of my first memories was running after a dog in the old streets of Kaohsiung. I burst in tears, and cried and cried and cried. Not only did I not understand “going back” but I didn’t want things to change. I was happy where I was, having my grilled corn as a snack after school (yeah feed the girl and she will be happy). 😊
For me, France was just an abstract idea or concept, a remote place that I certainly didn’t want to go to. What on earth could they possibly offer that would be worthwhile going?? Unfortunately I didn’t get the choice. But this proved to be a good thing in the long run.
The adaption period was very difficult, not speaking French and looking different from the other kids, I got picked on and bullied for being different. This is a hard lesson I learned young, but that made me a stronger and kinder person, I hope. France also gave me so much more. And I am glad my parents made the move to relocate there.
Change is an opportunity to learn (the good and the bad), it is NOT easy, but it will worth it. The key here is the mindset you have toward the change. Seeing change as a chance, an opportunity, a lucky lottery ticket that could lead to something, even if at first it doesn’t look “that great”.
4. Don't Focus on Things You Can't Control
"Focusing on things outside of our control can lead to less happiness, more stress, and missed opportunities." - Amy Morin
Focusing on things outside of our control can lead to less happiness, more stress, and missed opportunities. To avoid this, delegate tasks and responsibilities, ask for help when needed, focus on solving problems within your control, and don't rely on yourself for the entire outcome.
You can also practice mindfulness techniques to stay present and focus on what you can control. It is important to stop this habit because it can lead to feelings of helplessness and anxiety.
5. Don't Worry About Pleasing Others
"When we focus too much on pleasing others, we often lose sight of our own values and make decisions that aren't in our best interest." - Amy Morin
Pleasing others can lead to losing sight of your values and making wrong decisions. To avoid this, take time to decide whether to say yes or no, clarify your values, determine who you want to please, practice assertive behavior, and accept that you can't please everyone. You can also work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. It is important to stop this habit because it can lead to feelings of resentment and regret.
Nath: I have this amazing friend, she is always cheerful, helpful, and trying to accommodate and please everyone. See she enjoys peace and harmony, so she wants to make sure that people around her are happy. Unfortunately, it happens that she will be in position where it will simply be IMPOSSIBLE to succeed in pleasing people. And that’s hard for her.
Sometimes the things that are requested from her are so big, so far away from who she really is, that she loses a bit of herself and her identity in it. And I think that what Amy says, “we lose sight”, is true. I hate when I see my friend like that, I can’t do much apart than supporting her, and remind her of her identity, her values and that what she stands for is up to her. Not someone deciding for her…
6. Don't Fear Taking Calculated Risks
"Fear of taking risks can cause us to miss out on opportunities for growth." - Amy Morin
Fear of taking risks can cause us to miss out on opportunities for growth.
To overcome this fear, be aware of your emotions and how they limit you, identify different types of risks, recognize irrational thoughts, practice taking risks, and monitor the risks taken. You can also start small by taking calculated risks and gradually building up to bigger ones. It’s important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal and professional growth.
7. Don't Dwell on The Past
"Dwelling on the past can make it harder to consider the future, mess with your decision-making process, and lead to depression." - Amy Morin
Dwelling on the past can make it harder to consider the future, mess with your decision-making process, and lead to depression.
To avoid this, shift your thinking pattern, reflect on the past to learn from it, think about negative events in facts not as emotions, make peace with the past, and move forward with your life. You can also practice gratitude and focus on the positive things in your life. It is important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal growth and development.
8. Don't Repeat Your Mistakes
"Repeating the same mistakes can prevent us from reaching our goals and frustrate ourselves and others." - Amy Morin
Repeating the same mistakes can prevent us from reaching our goals and frustrate ourselves and others. To avoid this, acknowledge your own responsibilities, study the mistake, identify triggers of behaviors and patterns, make a plan, and practice self-discipline. You can also seek feedback from others and create a checklist to avoid repeating the same mistakes. It is important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal and professional growth.
9. Don't Resent Other People's Success
"Comparing ourselves to others can lead to insecurity and dissatisfaction." - Amy Morin
Comparing ourselves to others can lead to insecurity and dissatisfaction. To avoid this, reflect on the concept of success and what it means to you, focus on your own strengths, consider a collaborative approach over competing, and think about what success looks like in your own terms. You can also practice gratitude and celebrate the success of others. It is important to stop this habit because it can lead to feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.
10. Don't Give Up After The First Failure
"Failure is a part of the process of growth." - Amy Morin
To avoid giving up after the first failure, change your perspective, see the event as an opportunity to learn something, face your fear of failure, identify and replace irrational thoughts, consider a new plan to succeed, and focus on improving your skills. You can also practice self-compassion and remind yourself that failure is a natural part of the learning process. It is important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal and professional growth.
11. Don't Fear Alone Time
"Alone time can offer an opportunity to rest, improve productivity, preserve mental health, and increase creativity." - Amy Morin
Alone time can offer an opportunity to rest, improve productivity, preserve mental health, and increase creativity.
To embrace alone time, learn to appreciate calm, silence, and quiet time, schedule some "me time" on a regular basis, practice mindfulness skills, consider journaling for your emotions, and pause and consciously observe your surroundings. You can also reflect on your purpose and values during alone time. It is important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal growth and development.
12. Don't Feel Like The World Owes You Anything
"Feeling entitled can limit our achievements and relationships." - Amy Morin
To avoid self-entitlement, consider people's feelings, give back to those in need, act as a team player, and change your mindset to "what can you give?" instead of "what can you get?" You can also practice gratitude and focus on what you have rather than what you don't have. It is important to stop this habit because it can lead to feelings of entitlement and selfishness.
13. Don't Expect Immediate Results
"Expecting immediate results can lead to discouragement and frustration." - Amy Morin
Expecting immediate results can lead to discouragement and frustration.
To avoid this, be realistic with your expectations, celebrate milestones in your journey, consider ways to track your progress, and pace yourself. You can also reflect on your progress and adjust your goals accordingly. It is important to stop this habit because it can prevent personal and professional growth.
Final thoughts
Nath: Remember, building mental strength is a process that takes time, effort, and dedication. Start small, and build up over time. This is a journey in itself, and you can easily step back to bad habits. (Believe me, I’ve been there) but with these tips from Amy Morin, you can break bad mental habits and become mentally strong.
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